Can you be too comfortable?

In recent months I've come to really start to love myself. I mean look at myself and say "yea, I see flaws...but look how cute I am"

My confidence has soared and my happiness is better then ever. But I ask you - can you be too comfortable?

I've also noticed that the more I love myself the more i"m ok letting my belly hang out, un-sucked and tucked in. I wave with out caring if people will get a double dose of flapping and I strut my stuff with out noticing if my curves wiggle and jiggle. All good right? sure...but am I paying attention to my health as much as I did before?

Am I eating right as much as I could be? or do I go for that extra helping or that sweet treat because I'm honestly not worried about my looks. Do I skip that morning work out or not give it 100% because, hey, my jeans still fit...for now.

While I absolutely enjoy this new found confidence and love for myself, I need to remember to balance health with beauty. I'm genetically pre-disposed to be big. I have a lot of big people in my family and 60% of people that look at me would put me in the fat category. I have to work hard just to stay in the 'fat' category and if I let it go, even for a bit, it will flood on me like ....well like me on cake. It will and has packed back on so fast it will make your head turn.

how do I find that balance? I found a quote the other day that I think I will start living by. It read:

I don't work out because I hate myself,
I work out because I love myself. 

And I do. I genuinely am getting to absolutely love myself so I need to do this for me, because I do and I will continue to and I want to be healthy and strong.

Dinner for breakfast

You've heard of breakfast for dinner, or brunch or even linnder (lunch and dinner)...ever have Dinner for Breakfast?

I do. All the time! SALAD!!!! Love me some salad - Even for Breakfast.

Keeps me away from the sweet breakfast foods and the oats/grains that I stay away from.

Yumz

What I love about myself.

A few things I really like about myself:

My bum. haha. I really do like it. its a curve I can and do appreciate.
My eyes. Hazel, green, brown and a bit of crazy. ;) I love the color of my eyes and how big the are.
My skin. I've got some pretty nice skin only break out every once in a while.
My sense of humor. I've got a pretty wicked temper but if you can get me laughing...I'll go for days.

Just a few things I like. This is part of the positive talk thing I"m working on. so here it is.

What do you love about yourself!?

Hello....where have you been?

I'm 32. Lets say I didn't start noticing my body until 11...that is 21 years of body shame, comparing and wishing. 21 full years of not fully appreciating what a miracle it is to have one. 21 years of missed out potential and missed love.

I've been on a healthy living lifestyle for about 5 years now. Its taken me many many attempts and many many fails to figure out what works for my body. Because lets face it, we aren't all the same...WHAT?! yup its true, so what works for you might not work for me. It took me a long time to realize this small but undoubtedly important concept. I would compare my failures to others successes and wonder what I did wrong or how I failed so badly, when in reality my body simply doesn't work that way.

I finally found an eating program that my body thrives on. Paleo and I love it. I have so much energy! My moods have stabilized and I'm setting a good example for my children by eating whole fresh foods and not starving myself. Yes, paleo is strict, no you cant eat whatever you want. But really what do I really want? whole natural foods that fuel me and keep me going or processed junk that, while might taste fantastic, makes me tired and diseased. Don't get me wrong, I still want those yummy things here and there. I still want to be able to just sit on the couch and eat an entire pizza...but I don't, because I can't afford to let that win. It can't...it won't

I make goals for myself that are small and big. Small goal: finish the next 60 seconds of this work out. Seriously sometimes its a minute by minute kind of day. ;) Big goal: Run the Beast spartan at the end of the year. Small goal: Don't beat myself up when I do slip up. Get up, brush off, move on. (its taken me YEARS to do this and once I started it was sooo liberating) Big goal: Positive self talk. Do you know how hard it is to break a 21 year habit of negative self talk! Its insanely hard! But I strive for it daily.

I work out regularly. I train a lot for the races I sign up for. I sign up for races so that I'll train. :) I also sign up because they make me feel awesome. Plus my husband and father do them as well and its fun to be a team. It takes 4-6 weeks for you to notice a difference in your body it take 8-12 for others to notice. After years of working at it and, again, finding the right combination of work outs I"m starting to notice my muscles more. And I love it. I noticed when I lost weight because you just do but when you start noticing you getting strong its a whole new level of great. I notice in my arms and in my legs. My back and my shoulders. I still have major problem areas, some that will never be fixed due to the damage I've done to myself as well as the usual wear and tear some woman's bodies don't recover from after having babies. I have issues with these parts and sometimes I just can't pull myself up enough to get pass them, but I'm starting to. I'm starting to focus on what I have achieved and not on what will never be fixed with working out.

I am starting to focus on what my body can do and not what its flaws are. I can run for an hour, I can finish Spartan and Warrior Dash races, I can finish insane work outs that most would bulk at. I have amazing will power when I really put my mind to it. I am stronger then I have ever been. My body doesn't look like I always wanted it too...but mostly because I had ideals that would never have been accomplished for my body type. Im realizing how great I truly am becoming. I can do things I never thought I would be able, which only pushes me to the next level. My husband loves my body and I'm starting to see it through his eyes. My kids look to me for body image and eating habits (wither they know it or not yet) and I'm not ashamed of how I treat myself.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying this is how I feel every second of the day. I'm still a human, bombarded with images of "pefect" models and societies 'norm' that I don't and wont' fit into. I still have problems looking pass the flaws I do have and not wanting to give up because they wont' ever be what everyone thinks they should be. I still have that image of a perfect me in my head and get severely depressed when the mirror doesn't match. But I"m working on this. I've come a long long way and I have much to do. But I am getting stronger, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally and that is what matters. To love myself more and more everyday is my ultimate goal. And more and more I am looking in the mirror and can honestly think 'wow, you are amazing'...to look at myself and say "hello....where have you been?"

Day 30

I did it. I did it....I really really did it!

 I won't lie, there were many days I thought for sure this wasn't going to happen, that I just needed that chocolate way to badly! That if I went one more second with out goat cheese or gum I was going to blow a casket. But I would always tell myself. Just a little longer. I mean not even in days, but sometimes hours or even minutes. "give yourself 1 more hour" or "give yourself five more minutes. If you can make it five more minutes..." and then those five more minutes would turn into ten more and so on. It was sometimes a literal minute by minute decisions.

But by the last week I was rocking it. I tell you I could go for days. I used to have to come  home, shut myself in the room for a few minutes and let the world fall off of me before I got back up just to pick it all back up again. My kids were not getting the best of me and I was doing the bare minimum on my house duties. Now, I get up in the mornings ready to go, I have a better attitude about everything, I can come home, start dinner, clean up, work out, help with homework and still have enough energy to tackle other projects I've wanted to get to for a while. I love it.

My moods are better, my sleep is deeper, wake up feeling ready to go, I don't have that 3:00pm wall and my energy is constant and good.

I have shrunk down 9lbs, which is a little over 2 pounds a week. Good amount but also in the healthy range. I didn't take measurements (I know, bad!!) but I know I've lost inches!

It was hard, but the resolve I have now is that if I can do that I can do whatever comes my way. I broke the hold food had on me. Don't get me wrong. I love food and will always want that pizza or cupcakes. But now I can truly say I don't NEED  them, like I had thought before.

Whole30.com is a WONDERFUL source and so is the book: It Starts with Food. Check them out!

Day 20 - What cake?

Day 20...over half way done, Only 10 days left....ten? feels like only a few days ago I was on day four and hating the world.

My husband ate candy one evening, I'm thinking day 6, I yelled at him from across the room. ACROSS THE ROOM! I was livid...how dare he go on with his lovely, candy eating life while I was stuck in my lone cold lonely plant eating life. Aww the dramatics. ;)

But now? now I can walk by the bakery in the store and not even bat an eye. I can watch my co workers munch on chips and not see red. I can eat my mushed up banana with raisins at the end of the day and actually think its a treat.

My head is clear, my bones feel strong, my organs cooperate with me, my energy is up and spirit is lifted.

Its been hard, and it will be a continued battle to keep myself in check...but I'm getting there. Its getting easier, I'm getting healthier. The bonds of junk food and sugar have been broken. Broken I Say (insert shaking fist at the world).

Basically...Tiger blood!

Day 10 - In tune

So whether you believe in God, earth elements, higher power...whatever it might be, its always a goal in life (at least in mine) to become closer to God. To be in tune with what he wants for me and what I can do for Him.

I have noticed that when I treat my body kindly, I become more in tune with nature, with everyday joys and miracles and with my God. I hear better, I see what He would like me to view in the world and am able to understand what an amazing gift I have been given. To have this body, imperfectly perfect as it is, to love it, to care for it and to enjoy it.

I speak with Him for freely, I enjoy his gift more whole and I appreciate everything more fully

You know what they say, when you love yourself, you can fully love other people, situations, things...life. Its true. I stop thinking about how I look, how others view me and what I have to do to survive the day in it. I start thinking of how the rain smells and sun feels, how great I feel and how I get to have another day in this body.

Going through the Whole 30 has been tough so far, and I'm sure its not over, but if this is one of the many benefits I get from it. Feeling in tune with myself, my life, my God. Then it has been well beyond worth it.

I am strong, Hear me roar!

So according to the timeline I looked at on whole30.com, right around now is when most people give up on their whole 30 journey. This is the time when you just plain don't want to prepare the meals, worry about looking at labels, get frustrated that you just cant run through taco bell on the way home AND aren't really seeing the magic this program says will happen.

I can totally see that, but on the other hand. If you look for the small things, the things you weren't able to do a week ago...it will keep you motivated. Here are a few of the things I was able to do, that would have just brought me to my knees last week (and did on a few occasions).

I was able to get snacks out of the fridge with out longingly looking at the cheese sitting right next to it, I was able to run a little longer then before and still have some energy for the rest of the day, I was able to drop my son off at daycare and not give the pile of candy they have on the counter up for grabs a second look, I was able to smile at a food joke someone made without thinking of the food and wishing I had it.

My body is finally realizing that this is happening, this is how its going to be and its getting with the program. I feel lighter, I feel healthier, I feel clear headed. Don't get me wrong, I still want that chocolate, and grilled cheese...but now I can brush off those cravings with much more ease then I did before. I"m sure those cravings will be there for a long long while, but its manageable and that my friend...is a miracle.

I can do this, I will do this, I am strong!

You can do this, You will do this, YOU are strong!!!!

Day 5 - Pizza

oh I tricked you, you thought I fell off the wagon, went to the dark side. Ordered an ate that large extra cheese pizza with extra grease....well I didn't.

I do however feel like a teen with raging skin, a pizza face if you will. Not the pizza I wanted! I know its because all the toxins are being flushed out. I imagine them being rocketed out of my body and this is there last ditch effort to hold on for their dear disgusting toxic life. You may have caused a scene, you nasty little thing...but you will be gone and I will have control of my skin again and you will be but a faint memory, not even a battle wound. So take that!

Day 4 of Whole 30

Ok I won't lie, its been a rough couple of days. I haven't been in the best of moods and by 7pm I have a splitting headache. All I want is a big bar of chocolate or a can of frosting. I usually begrudgingly eat a banana, cursing it while I try desperately to pretend its soft serve or cake.

Last night my husband asked me for something that was in my car. I looked at him full on and said "why can't you just leave me alone"   he seems to think my mood swings are funny, which helps. Its nice to know he's just letting things roll off his back instead of taking my detox as a personal assault.

I have to remember this is for my own good...why does that phrase always show up when you're hating life. My own good would be milk and cookies not salad and fish, at least thats what my mind is so desperately trying to tell me! But curse you mind! I will overpower you! This body will detox and sugar will loooooose!

on wards and upwards.

Whole 30

I started my whole 30 journey yesterday. I need to get all these toxins out of my system. I'm so addicted to sugar its ridiculous. I've been a fan of Paleo for a while now. I love how it makes me feel and look. But I went off track for a bit so need to get back in the groove. So whole 30 here I am.

I cleaned out my pantry and fridge, made a ten day meal plan, shopped for it and prepared all my Breakfasts, Snacks and Lunches for the next week.

I will do this, I will want to quit, I will feel like its going to be to hard...but I will NOT quit! I will succeed and I will rock it.